James makes Mac and Cheese (kinda). And I’m in it, too! (kinda)
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"People in glass houses SHOULD throw stones. At all those people staring and judging and telling them what to do all the time."
— @MattMelvin
"Ugh. Nostalgia is so last year."
— @MattMelvin
"If there’s a silver lining in Michael Douglas’ “oral sex gave me cancer” it’s that shitty boyfriends now have the perfect excuse."
— @MattMelvin
"Michael Douglas’ cancer was caused by performing oral sex? Damn. Don’t worry, though, he’s cancer-free now. Got that situation licked."
— @MattMelvin
"We just hit 1 million Facebook likes! Here’s a photo of us celebrating: i.imgur.com/IKolnIT.gif"
— @MattMelvin
"Just farted and it sounded like Bubba from Forrest Gump singing “Mmm Bop” by Hanson through a trumpet."
— @MattMelvin
