May 2013
9 posts
2 tags
“I sure picked a great time to see some stand-up. Everything this comedian has...”
– @MattMelvin
May 18th
37 notes
2 tags
“I’m here to kick ass and chew bubblegum, but I got beat up a lot in...”
– @MattMelvin
May 15th
23 notes
2 tags
May 12th
135 notes
2 tags
“I’ve got a joke about child molestation, but it’s a little touchy.”
– @MattMelvin
May 9th
31 notes
2 tags
“Now that I’ve started watching Doctor Who, I suddenly understand Tumblr so...”
– @MattMelvin
May 8th
49 notes
2 tags
“Had a fan ask for a link to my G-spot comic. Guess he’s having trouble...”
– @MattMelvin
May 7th
25 notes
2 tags
May 5th
49 notes
4 tags
May 4th
101 notes
5 tags
May 1st
79 notes
April 2013
13 posts
2 tags
“Recently learned Rastafarians don’t believe in homosexuality. Apparently,...”
– @MattMelvin
Apr 30th
7 notes
Apr 29th
7 notes
2 tags
Apr 28th
53 notes
2 tags
“I like that fedoras used to be a hipster thing, but they’ve since eclipsed...”
– @MattMelvin
Apr 26th
12 notes
2 tags
Apr 20th
33 notes
2 tags
“From mass tragedies to personal issues, it’s hard not to focus on the...”
– @MattMelvin
Apr 16th
23 notes
2 tags
“I’m a grower, I don’t shower.”
– @MattMelvin
Apr 15th
8 notes
2 tags
Apr 14th
37 notes
2 tags
“Ink blot tests are so dumb. It’s always vaginas. Monster vaginas. Monster...”
– @MattMelvin
Apr 14th
19 notes
2 tags
“Liquor? I hardly know her! But a few drinks WOULD be a good way to get to know...”
– @MattMelvin
Apr 12th
11 notes
2 tags
Apr 7th
27 notes
2 tags
Apr 3rd
19 notes
2 tags
“University of North Carolina! I am inside you! Doing two talks, Wed & Thu,...”
– @MattMelvin
Apr 2nd
2 tags
“I’ve got a joke about getting your dick caught in the door of a moving...”
– @MattMelvin
Apr 1st
16 notes
March 2013
17 posts
4 tags
Mar 31st
83 notes
Mar 30th
22,337 notes
2 tags
“Extremely disappointed in the lack of puns in Yelp’s pho listings.”
– @MattMelvin
Mar 29th
7 notes
2 tags
Mar 28th
42 notes
2 tags
Mar 20th
39 notes
2 tags
“This oxygen bar is so cool! It’s themed like a crashing airpla *dies*”
– @MattMelvin
Mar 19th
6 notes
2 tags
“Always weird to think that inside my body is a bunch of guts. And most of them...”
– @MattMelvin
Mar 16th
19 notes
2 tags
Mar 16th
152 notes
2 tags
“Just walked through CSU. What a gorgeous campus. Also, to the girl dressed as...”
– @MattMelvin
Mar 15th
4 notes
5 tags
Mar 15th
47 notes
2 tags
“The Pope would be way cooler if he WAS the cloud of white smoke. #LOST”
– @MattMelvin
Mar 13th
21 notes
2 tags
“I can only imagine how scared and confused old people must feel when watching...”
– @MattMelvin
Mar 11th
18 notes
2 tags
Mar 9th
81 notes
2 tags
“Fiber helps you poop? But I’ve been shoving bananas up my butt for days...”
– @MattMelvin
Mar 4th
23 notes
2 tags
Mar 4th
46 notes
5 tags
Mar 1st
8 notes
Mar 1st
82 notes
2 tags
“Wrote a joke about sluts, but found out it’s been done so many times.”
– @MattMelvin
Mar 1st
21 notes
February 2013
25 posts
2 tags
Feb 26th
44 notes
2 tags
“Whoever decided Wheaties is the breakfast of champions has obviously never...”
– @MattMelvin
Feb 25th
24 notes
2 tags
“It’s not that I dislike Kevin Bacon, I’m just not ALLOWED to like...”
– @MattMelvin
Feb 22nd
9 notes
2 tags
“Wanna know how Jewish I really am? Well, I’ve never celebrated Chanukah,...”
– @MattMelvin
Feb 22nd
11 notes
2 tags
Feb 20th
37 notes
4 tags
Feb 19th
99 notes
2 tags
“Just wanted to let you all know I correctly used “whom” in a...”
– @MattMelvin
Feb 19th
8 notes
2 tags
“The Harlem Shake meme has gone so far that even our Kickstarter page is getting...”
– @MattMelvin
Feb 18th
6 notes
3 tags
Feb 17th
65 notes